Looking into my Hell

The top picture is what's knw as an avatar pic on a site where I met the most important Man in my life. He has my total loyalty and devotion. Looking into my hell. I often feellike i'm in hell because my illnesscan be so hard to deal with. Sometimes I find myself looking into my Hell because I sspect I mean nothing/ I am just nothing and that IS my hell.

Bllod, blood and more blood

The dismal bloodiness of every day

I wish the blood would stop

The pain on pain ended forever

Blood on blood, pain on pain

The pleasure pain syndrome of life

Dead eyes look out from painful visage

Life slowly seeps out

A bit of the odd and more summer soltice

The first painting is just an odd little thing. I was mad at someone and ended uo with a red and black background. By the time it dried i was no longer mad adn endeed weird -smiles-

The whole summer solstice theme seems to have grabbed me as i do thesun and flowers over and over. Will there be more? Well, I am working on a bigger one. lol

Trying to look for joy i find more despair. I try to get away from it but find more blood

ASummer Soltice

paintings for a fund raiser for where i volunteer...the theme summer soltice. Suns and flowers, celtic knot tree of life

Peace is Hard to fFind

Peace

To be at ease

To find calm

Get centred

An d just be

Peace

To be me

No worries

To sleep

Be rested

Be at peace

Ease of life

Life lived

With ease

Peace

I find it hard to be at peace. To find ease in my life. I search for direction and find confusion. My mind always seeking something I feel I missed. I only find unease never peace. These photos were taken tonight and paintings painted from them. Despite the used of prescribed sleeping pills you can see I have no rest, no peace.

Trying to Find Peace

It can be awfully hard in life to find peace. The love of my life came and went in a flash because he disappeared once again. When he came back he assumed I had moved on which wasn't entirely true. Now I have because I have no choice. My only hope is that John and I will meet in our next lives together and know each other for the soul mates we are. A friend, I'm not sure if I mentioned has walked away from a good friendship because his loyalties always were with others. I have turned my back because if a friend cannot be loyal when you are in the riight what kind of friend is he? Recently he seems to be turning towards me to renew our friendship. I am ambialent. At this time I am refusing that friendship. His friendship in the past brought me much harm. Recently someone was trying to comfort me about an issue but I was so sure I'd be found in the wrong I was defending myself. I didn't even realize i was being comforted in my upset. These paintings were done for where I volunteer. they are also an effort on finding peace. Soothing flowers and soothing colours. Here's to peace and finding harmony.

Blooms of spring

Joy of beauty

Peace becoming