circles and circles old and new

What comes around goes around.Those who have hurt me are either out of my life or living on the fringes where they belong. Here is a painting circling back around to new life. Yes there is sadness here you can see it in the set of the mouth, but if you relly look there's determination too. Sadness in the eyes too, but again look closethere's hope as well. As I move into a new crowd of frends, while keeping those most important, I'm finding myself once again. These new people in my life are melting a heart of ice and renewing who I was and who I will be. -smiles-

Life sucks, you know. So much for being free of blood and tears. I seem to be a target for those who wish to hurt someone. This is called "The Ice Queen with Blood nad Tears". I thought I'd gotten past all that, I was wrong.

Heartbreat and blood
Blood and tears
It all bleeds frome me
My soul was open
It's been broken
Never to open again

New Beginning, a Better me

I aim to be a better me. Can I do it? I don't know. I do know I'm going to try. It's been a bad couple ofyears with much sorrow, the mood swings have been hell. People I love have come and gone from my life. Some have drifted away, some I drove away. Some people just disappaer without rhyme or reason.
I've been lucky. I have wonderful people in my life. Some like Mir, who's online but when she saw I was drinking too much gave me a shake. I stopped thanks to her. Kuy who's just there always with a smile and love. Jewels,as she would say the voice in my head when I need it. Raya, always full of love. These women are sisters of my heart. They give me love and support. I love them dearly. Pictured here are five vases with flowers...one for each of us. These were done for a fund raiser where I volunteer. A spring theme, I'm tryin not to beeld any more.

In my last blog I mentioned a man. We met online and there was a spark. A love that could go places. -chuckles- Of course I have to meet a man half way across the world. He's an aussie so if our love goes places I guess one of us will too. He's the sort of man who can be strong without being a bully. The sort who knows when to let me be srtong and take the lead. It's all new and fresh but for the first time in a long time I feel hope.

An ending, trying to leave the blood and hurt behind

Paintings of pain and passion. All things bleed better my art than me. This is, obviously, one of my weirder pieces. Very surreal. It started a painting that actually would have hung the other way with the short side down. Towards the end of painting it, well call me crazy-YOU'RE CRAZY!! someone yells, but it spoke to me and i realized it belongs this way. Blood, staring empty eyes, blood covered daggers, the pain of my heart. My life has been weird fro the past year. I won't go into details but suffice to say that I was hurting and a man said he wanted to help me...he then well he emotionally battered me in the guise of help. Not quite sure what to do about him.

On the plus side I recently met a man online who seems perfect for me. I've learnt that as a strong woman I need a strong man, not one I can overpower but one who can overpower me (in a good way not an abusing way). More on him in the next post.


Through pain and regret
I scream in rage
Hating him
For making me hate me
I screamed as my heart tumbled
Falling to the ground
Pain all around
I cry
Knowing he's gone
I cry
Because I'm glad he left
Heartache and regret
These surround me
He should have been
A better man
He may not return
For this I'm glad
He may return
For this I'm glad
I'll miss my friend